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03 September 2013

Exemplary Muslim Marriage in Toronto: Bride and groom go against local and Hyderabadi traditions, shun un-Islamic traditions

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By Dr. Syed Ali Mahmood

Toronto (Canada): A quite simple marriage ceremony was held last week in the Masjid facility (Gymnasium, Cafeteria, Kitchen) of the Islamic Foundation of Toronto that accommodated around 600 people including some CC members. The exemplary features of this marriage were no Dowry-Jahez from the bride’s parents, no-Manje, no-Sachaq, no-Mehendi, no Exchange of indecent dialogues between friends of bride and groom, no Mix-gathering of ladies and gentlemen, no-Videography, no-Deejay (DJ) Music, and no-Ballroom, Salsa, Rock, Panjabi Bhangra or Swing dance. Nikah was carried out in the mosque in the presence of friends, relatives and musallis (worshippers). I asked the bridegroom, how it happened without any problem with the Hyderabadi parents, relatives and friends and he told me that my fiancée and I decided in the beginning not to do anything which is un-Islamic tradition. Moreover, he said that I am just providing my wife a decent home, standard living, and the Mahr (dower: a mandatory required amount of money or possessions ), according to my means. Soon after finishing the dinner party the newlywed couple left for honeymoon.

The mothers of the couple and some female relatives and friends disliked the 100% rejection of Hyderabadi and local traditions. As a protest, some female-guests used old attire in the wedding ceremony and some of them said that this event doesn't look like marriage function. However, the bride was very happy by stating that I spent only Canadian $10,000 from my savings for the marriage and I do not have to pay any debts.

The approximate average ages of first marriage of men and women in Canada, UK, USA, Pakistan and India are 31.1 and 29 years, 30.7 and 28.5, 29 and 27, 26 and 23, and 26 and 22; respectively. Unfortunately, in Canada most people including Desis are unable to get married before they reach late twenties or early thirties and this situation sometimes leads to much corruption. In some cases, people have already crossed 35 years of age without marriage. The main reasons of putting off marriage are financial (obligatory repayment of OSAP (Ontario Student Assistance Program) loans, high car insurance, cell phone bills, Visa/Master credit card, +/- home mortgage, etc.) and job market uncertainty.

Dear single youngsters (male and female) carry out your marriage according to the Islamic way and rebel against unnecessary customs and traditions but be kind and dutiful to your parents in all situations. Islamic marriage is very simple, straightforward and affordable, free from all unnecessary traditions that have been introduced to showcase and preserve the positions of two families in the society. Please connect your heart and soul with these words of Allah SWT and take inspirations: "You are preoccupied by greed for more and more, until you go down to your graves.” (Chapter 102-Al-Takāthur (Rivalry for Worldly Gain): Verses 1-2); “Yet you prefer this present life, while the life to come is better and longer lasting.” (Chapter 87-Al-A`lā (The Most High):Verses 16-17); Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you (Chapter 49-Al-Hujurat [part of verse 13]. The Prophet Mohammad SAS said: “Publicize marriage, and hold it in mosques and mark it with playing the tambourine.” [Related by Ahmad and Al-Tirmithi].

[Dr. Syed Ali Mahmood is based in Toronto, Canada and can be contacted at syedali15@yahoo.com]

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